I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
