I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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