his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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