glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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