I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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