Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
