Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
