I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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