So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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