BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize