When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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