I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize