I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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