and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
