before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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