Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
