Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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