Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
