You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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