I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
