Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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