he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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