So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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