Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
