Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
