i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Randomize
