I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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