So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
