Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
