She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
