my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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