Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
