Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
im having a threesome with these popsicles
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize