Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
