I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
