dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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