I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Randomize
