i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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