So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
