Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
