just come out here and I will go home with you...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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