two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
