God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
