I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
