Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
