I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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