Non-Jews are for practice
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
