I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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