we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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