I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
