Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize