do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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