Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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