Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
