Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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