In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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