that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize