I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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