Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
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