so explain again why im purple
no
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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