How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
