We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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