the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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