We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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