Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
