I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
