I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
